Tips to Help Your Teen Have an Easier Move

By: Emily Graham | emily@mightymoms.net Mighty Moms

Photo via Pixabay

Few teens are overjoyed to hear this news – the parental announcement that they are moving. All at once, mixed emotions and anxiety can begin creeping in. They will be contending with a new town, a new school, and new friends to make. For teens still developing an identity among their peers, losing their network of friends and teachers may feel like the end of their world. These natural emotions can lead to outbursts, heated arguments, and slamming doors. Random utterances of, “I hate you” are likely to pepper a parent’s relationship with their teen during this challenging time.

As a result, many parents worry that teen anxiety, stirred up by the move and the change of school, will trigger a downward spiral that can lead to diminishing grades, self-esteem issues, dating problems, and even inflict long-term emotional damage.

It can’t be sugar coated: Changing schools is stressful for teens. As a parent, you may be at a loss with what to do. The Teaching-Family Association,  offers a number of tips for you and your teen that can help ease the transition process:

Tips for the Worrying Parent:

Manage guilt

Some teenagers may try and make you feel bad about the move and frame everything from a point of view that makes you feel guilty. Do what you can to not allow your teen to feed this draining emotion, or to try and manipulate you. This steals your energy from working toward and appreciating the positives of the decision to move: a new job, being near friends or relatives, upgrading to a better home and neighborhood, etc. Use self-care and practice strategies to help your family engage and communicate is positive ways. Encourage your teen to share their thoughts and emotions; do not minimize how they feel. Try and understand. Use empathy and compassion.

Forge a new relationship with your teen

Your teen is likely feeling especially vulnerable and is at a loss as to how to properly process all the changes. For a long time, a primary emotion they may express could be anger, which sometimes conceals what they’re feeling deep inside. At other times, however, they might be open to talking, which is when you should open up and express that the whole family will be transitioning together as a unit. Reassure your teen that they won’t be alone in the process and can use this new life stage to bond together more as a family instead. Talk about the things that they are envisioning will be hard - perhaps getting to know new people, and those things that might be exciting - like decorating a new room.

Explore your new home town

Invite your teen to go with you and check out your new neighborhood and city. Have coffee at a local café, have a picnic in the park, play Frisbee, or check out a local music event. Whatever you do, don’t let your teen hole themselves up in your home. Show what your new town has to offer --  this might significantly cheer them up. Listen to their thoughts and observations with an open mind and from a non-judgmental place. Remember that their perception is their reality.

To ease your teen’s anxiety over starting school, consider having them visit the new school before starting. Find out if you can book a school tour, or sign your teen up for an upcoming orientation, or any other school-sponsored activity. Getting to know people before officially starting can greatly help the overall transition. Offer your teen several options of ways to familiarize themselves with their new environment, ask them for other suggestions, and support their choices.

 Tips for the Anxious Teen:

●       With every big change, there is an opportunity for a fresh start. Maybe there were negative things about your old school that you were not happy about. Now might be the perfect time to discover aspects of yourself that you couldn’t before. Maybe your old clique of friends looked down on people who were in acting and drama, a secret passion of yours. Maybe your new school has more to offer in terms of classes, clubs, and activities. Remember, your new school - while unfamiliar and a bit daunting – can be the chance to do new things you previously thought you would never do before!

●       Plan a farewell event just for you and your friends before you move. Know that your friends will still be there for you via chat, text, phone, or Skype to give you the emotional support you need to get through this difficult time. Slowly but surely, as you focus on extracurricular activities and school events, you will make new friends. As in the outside world, you will find people who jive with your sense of humor, style, and personality. You can benefit from having old and new friends, and you can get to know yourself better at the same time.  

●       Use checklists. Following a checklist from an expert source can help reduce everyone’s anxiety. By doing so, you can keep everyone's stress and anxiety levels low, and the transition from an old home to a new one will be that much easier. Enlist your teen to help direct each stage of the move via helpful checklists. There are many great ones available online, from getting set up for the open house to getting settled in your new place. Planning and putting some structure in place gives you a sense of control, something you may feel you do not have with the move.

●       Be sure to communicate with your family. While friends are so important, your family can help you process your doubts and fears, work with you to help you identify what is important to you, and support and love you.

In Conclusion…

Time can heal the pain of major transitions in life. There is research that proves that grit – the ability to work through hard and challenging circumstances – is one of the most powerful character traits anyone can possess. As you move forward, work towards seeing this move and change of schools as one that will prepare you for other major life transitions. The coping skills you pick up as you adjust to a new town, a new workplace or school, whether you are the teen or the parent, are skills that will greatly help you in the future. Who knows? You may all find the move was ultimately for the better just as you might realize you have become a happier, stronger person because of it.

Above all, show genuine and unconditional love, respect, care, and support for one another.

If you’re currently living under special circumstances, your teen may need additional guidance during this time of transition. Learn more about the services provided by the Teaching-Family Association by calling 804.632.0155.